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Autistic brains & the curse of the To Do List


Moths dancing around a flame
Hayami Gyoshu: Dance of Flames 1925

How do you pull yourself away from the never-ending list?

For some autistic/AuDHD people (and I’m one of them), there is a feeling of relief that comes from completing a task – that somehow it feels uncomfortable to have that task unfinished. You may find that you are incredibly productive because the drive to complete tasks is so intoxicating that it feels impossible to put the to-do list down.


Like a moth to the flame. You cannot help yourself. Do just another thing, and another thing. And another thing.


And guess where that leads.


Burnouts. Mini burnouts.


The kind where your body at some points just gives up and you might find yourself somehow collapsed on the sofa watching Netflix!


I understand that this might be the case for a great number of people – neurodivergent or not. But I do think that the extra sensitivity of the neurodivergent nervous system can lead some autistic people to be drawn to completing the list more significantly because of the constant attunement to the unfinished demands that exist in plain sight everywhere in a home.




So what to do?

magnet depicting the pull of tasks when being autistic

Well. I’ve come up with a plan. It’s pretty basic. It might not work for you, but it has been working for me. The plan is: Find a bigger magnet!


What is it that could trump the magnetism of the To-Do list?


What islands of regulation could you create that are numerous and require different levels of energy that allow you to rest and pull yourself away from the To-Do-List and towards the joy of doing something you just love so much that it dampens down the to-do-list flames?


For me it’s:


Least demanding when there’s no energy: Colour by numbers on ipad Kaleidescope play on ipad Reading on my kindle

Medium demanding when there’s some energy: Sketching, doodling, watercolour painting Following a simple watercolour painting tutorial online

Most demanding when there’s lots of energy on a weekend: Creating my own painting from scratch Writing a song Practicing ukulele and trying to remember chords I’ve forgotten You might find that you remain in the ‘least demanding’ phase for quite some time, especially if you have young children, work in an office regularly or live with chronic illness.


In therapy, I often explore this avenue to see if we can find tiny, easy to access activities that can fill five minutes/ten minutes/half hour. That way, instead of jumping to phone scrolling, you might find a better way to recharge your battery.


What might work for you?


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