I used to think that I didn't get stuck in black and white thinking - it wasn't until I was diagnosed as autistic that I took the time to reflect on my thought processes using the lens of autism as a guide that I started to see more clearly this idiosyncracy hiding in plain sight. My not spotting it wasn't helped by the fact that one of my family members stood out as much more obviously black and white in their way of being than me. Little did I realise! What I now realise is that my B&W thinking appears in many places - following a recipe to the letter, getting frustrated when things aren't explained clearly and specifically, with all the details ironed out, asking lots of questions and being pedantic around particular words that are being expressed.
So once I realised that this was actually a part of my processing style, I have thought a lot about how this appears also in my work with neurodivergent people in my private practice, and how we can manage it when it becomes a problem. So here are my tips...
Tip #1 - Notice it happening
This is the biggie! Just noticing that it's happening creates the possibility of a different direction. One of the ways to notice is look out for the words 'should', 'must' and 'need to'. Also, look out for when you're rabbit holing and you notice yourself fantastising or romanticising the future, this is another potential black and white hole!
Tip #2 - Stop thinking and change direction
If you notice that you're ruminating and your thinking is becoming more rigid, take a break and do something creative and nurturing while also listening to a podcast (something easy to listen to and gripping!). What happens when you do this is that your emotional brain switches off (the brain that thinks in a black and white way), your body starts to regulate and then your rational brain (the prefrontal cortex) gets a chance to contribute to the issues you're pondering.
Tip #3 - Acknowledge the discomfort
I know it sounds weird, but when you say "I'm noticing something in me that feels uncomfortable with doing things differently or changing how we do that", sometimes this in itself can bring relief.
Tip #4 - Pay a visit
Instead of forcing yourself out of a black and white position, allow yourself to 'pay a visit' to trying something else. For instance, you might order the food you always order and order a side dish of something you've never tried. This means you stay in your safe black and white zone while at the same time paying a visit to 'trying' something new.
Tip #5 - Bring on the nuance
Lastly, when you've identified that you're in the 'all or nothing' zone, this is your opportunity to add white to the black to make it grey by adding nuance to your thinking e.g. - this is both ______ and it is ________. This sentence structure allows for two paradoxical things to exist at the same time e.g. "I'm both confused and happy about what's happening" or "I want a dog and I don't want a dog at the same time". Or "I want to leave my job and I want to stay in my job". Another way of bringing in nuance involves using the metaphor of the suitcase. The label on the suitcase has the black and white statement on it e.g. "I'll never be a good mother". Then, open the suitcase and unpack it with all the thoughts and angles that sit inside the suitcase. See if you can find more nuances and paradoxes that break down the black and white label into something more complex. Allow yourself time to be kind, or even bring in an imaginary, kind and wise nurturing figure to share their opinion of this B&W thought.
Lastly...
Black and white thinking has a negative connotation to it, but it also has a powerful positive driver in it. Autistic minds love to know the detail and do not like vagueness. These beautiful minds seek to iron out vagueness which can be an incredible tool in spotting things that more neurotypical brains overlook. Let's take a moment to acknowledge the positive aspect of having this sort of brain!
Commentaires